Aaaaaaaaaaaaah boys and girls. We’re back. I missed all of you. I hope you missed me. But now daddy is back. We’ve been pacified by posers such as American Idol and So You Think You Can Dance Season 12, as well as the NBA playoffs. They’ve simply been the appetizer to our main course. Finally, the real programming is here.
Now, let’s get some things out of the way. As we all know, I am not a huge fan of the Carney, aka Ashley H. There’s nothing that she’s done per say, she’s a nice gal I’m sure. But I think we all agree that there could have been some more exciting/appealing choices for our viewing pleasure this season. But, it is what it is and the Carney is just like the rest of us – circling this globe looking for love, the same way Rick Mitchell searches out for supercells.
This story is not about our own personal desires or dreams, even though some of us email the producers on a weekly basis asking for guest appearances. It’s about two hearts becoming one. There is another circus worker out there for Ashley H, maybe it’s the dog-face man, maybe it’s the lion tamer, maybe it’s the bearded lady. It doesn’t matter. What matters is that we have all received a front row ticket to Barnum Bailey’s Circus and let’s sit back, relax, and eat some peanuts.
So, what matters this first week? Not much, other than we all get make our preliminary decisions on who’s taking home the gold and silver. So here are my top five picks for a life filled with circus peanuts (in no particular order):
-West: seems like a genuinely nice guy, has had a horrible past, so we will see if that allows him to open up for a new relationship.
-Ryan P: received the first impression rose, so they always get an edge up. Also seems like a nice guy, however I wonder if this fellow is going to be a little to chippy for the Carney? It’s nice to be positive, but ya know, every now and then we all just want to be a Debbie downer.
-Constantine: I’m only choosing this long haired silly goose because it looks like one of the dudes with the long hair ends up staying in the game for quite a while and gets one of the destination dates.
-JP: You could tell the Carney genuinely likes this guy. Seems like a down to earth guy, hopefully he hasn’t shaved his head due to early age balding.
-Blake: this guy’s a dentist…is that even really fair??? You know the Carney is going to proposition him just so that she can have a job out of dental school. Actually, she probably wouldn’t even have to work. So yes, the wheels are turning inside her head very quickly.
The Thunder just lost. Unbelievable. First Haley gets booted off AI, then the Thunder poop themselves two games in a row, what’s next…the cancelation of Glee? Doubt it. At least we can count on that. So let’s get this out in the open here – obviously Bentley (dumb name by the way….sorry if any of you preggers chicks out there were considering using it) is this season’s villain. Hard to believe that Ashley received warning about him, and she’s not heeding it. Apparently Michelle Money from last season knows Bentley’s ex-wife and Michelle emailed the Carney and gave her a heads up. Apparently Bentley is an idiot and either didn’t watch last season, or just doesn’t understand of the concept of this series. During his “get to know me” interview…he said he hoped the bachelorette was Emily….whatttt??? He might as well have wished it to be Trista Sutter. She probably would come back. What a db. And then, on camera, he’s as dumb as Wes the country singer, and admits that he’s not even attracted to her, knows it wouldn’t work, and again wishes it would’ve been Emily. And the rose ceremony was soooooooo suspenseful. I was really thinking that the carney was going to choose the Canadian over Bentley. Riiiiiiiiiiiiiight. It was such a shock. Nooooooooooooooooooot. The poor Carney apparently doesn’t figure it out until down the road, which sucks for her, but I guess it will help keep our attention this season.
Peace be with all of you, and remember, don’t look behind you, because I won’t be there. Don’t look ahead of you, because I won’t be there either. Just look right beside you, because that’s where I’ll always be. Sometimes the greatest conversations are the ones that never have any words in them. And don’t eat the yellow snow.
XOXO
The Bachelorette Wizard
