Week 1 - Introductions

Well, we're finally here.  It's that special time of year when love is in the air...no not February 14th...but rather Bachelor season.  More people get engaged during seasons of the Bachelor/Bachelorette than any other 3 month period per year.  Ok so I might have made that up, but most of you would have believed it.  You will read many false statements throughout my blogs, but it's not important that you know which are true and which are not.  The important thing is that you just trust me on whatever I say. 

A few things to get out of the way - First, I'm a stickler for grammar, however I will not hold myself accountable.  So do not think less of me if I make a mistake here or their............just testing you.  Second, I usually have outside sources spread across the U.S. that I converse with, however because I want all of you to have a truly heart-to-heart experience this season, I am refraining from doing that and will be guided by my own personal cupid.  I apologize if you disagree with my opinions throughout this season, but until you pick 7 out of the last 12 semi-finalists, you do not get to have a say.  Also of extreme importance, I will be attempting to keep this blog respectful, as all of these ladies I'm sure are lovely in real life.  They are all very, very pretty females, and I'm sure will have no problem finding a man in real life.  With that being said, I will have to make some comparisons in the looks department between the girls.  This is a fact of life and cannot be avoided.  I will also have to make certain assertions based upon their actions and/or statements on the show.  Hollywood makes us do crazy things people, and we all are responsible for our actions while on camera. As many of you also probably know, I like to make “female intelligence” jokes.  Please do not take these seriously if you are a female…unless you want to.  Many of you will probably not even be able to comprehend them, so just trust me that they are funny.

This season looks to be as good as ever, with unique dates and  lovely destinations like South Africa and Anguilla.  It makes me sick to think Chris Harrison does this for a living.  I am praying that someday I’ll be able to take his job when he retires.  Your support with that is appreciated. 

Because the first episode has come and gone, that gives us the benefit of not having to dig through all the excess baggage.  We’re down from 30 to 20 girls…and that’s fine with me.  Thirty is too many; I plan to talk to production about that.  Out of those twenty ladies that are still left, let’s go over who we think has a chance at true love this season:

MVB’s (Most Valuable Bachelorettes)

MICHELLE (My tentative #1…although she’s reminiscent of Rozlyn from last season, let’s hope it doesn’t turn out the same way.  She’s by far tops in the looks department, but could potentially go off the deep end like Elizabeth did from Jake’s season.  Brad clearly likes her a lot; my prediction is that she’ll make it far, possibly top 4, but won’t be getting a ring because Brad will ultimately decide she’s not the wife he’s needing)

EMILY (My second #1…I like her more each time she talks.  One of the rare blondes that Brad will like.  Seems very sweet and down to earth, and I think Brad will be drawn to her because of that.  Seems very authentic, however I hope she is truly over her heartache that she experienced, Brad will have questions about that I’m sure.  Love her accent.  If she doesn’t win this season, which she very well could, I’m picking her to be a top candidate for the Bachelorette)

LISA M. (#3…Brad is clearly a brunette kind of guy; a very attractive girl from Kansas who I think Brad will relate to.  One of the tops in looks department and seems genuine and authentic, I hope she’s not too young though.  She just needs to make sure she puts herself out there.  The Wizard likes…we might just be back in Kansas Toto.)

MARISSA (#4…She’s memorable because of her first impression – she loves sports and is very attractive.  Seems somewhat quiet and reserved and will need to assert herself and not get left behind.  It wouldn’t bother me if she gained a few lbs while in the house, hopefully they have a lot of junk food.  Brad needs a big, fine woman who can back that thang up)

SHAWNTAL N. (#5…God bless her heart regarding her name, but she’s a very cute girl and seems to have a fun personality.  Seems to be someone easy to talk to.  She works on dead people, so that gives her extra brownie points in my book.  I personally like her, I don’t think she’s going to win, but looks like she shows up in Africa so she’s possibly top 6 or 8)

The Competitors

Stacey (Very reminiscent of Gia from last season…which I think is a good thing.  Not very memorable from the first episode and will need to step it up to not get caught up in the shuffle)

Jackie (a very attractive, bubbly brunette with a fun personality, also has nice hair which is a plus.  Her singing escapade was bad news bears though…guys do not like to hear girls sing unless they can bring down the house, FYI.  She wasn’t brutal, but even a few bad notes can crack some windows.  Know your limits ladies)

Ashley S. (A sweet southern Belle who Brad clearly likes, i.e. first impression rose.  Tenley got the first impression rose last season and was the runner-up.  This chic said the right things on the first episode, but I don’t know if she’ll be able to keep up with some of the other ones when it comes to the physical attraction.  She’s near the top for now, but will probably be sliding down in the coming weeks)

The JV Team

Lindsay (I’m not much for “auburn” type girls, but she’s pretty good.  She’s from TX which Brad will like.  Initially had her as a Competitor, but I don’t think I see her in the previews really, which is never a good sign)

Ashley H. (Brad straight up tells her she’s beautiful when he meets her, and she is cute, but does have a 5-head.  Sheappears to be present in the previews in episodes that will air later on in the show.  Definitely not one I would have picked, but still have to consider the evidence that we have)

Raichel (A voluptuous brunette who waxes people.  But I think when she waxed Brad’s wrist, that may have been the closest she will get to him.  Too much competition for an extended stay)

Keltie (I like the girl, she’s bubbly and limber, but her bangs are a little whack and could potentially be borderline annoying.  She’s not bad, but unfortunately she’s got some tough competition…and squirrelly bangs)

The Girls who I hope didn’t Quit their Jobs to be on the Show:

Megan (those crazy shoes of hers have done her in.  I’m predicting an exit next week most likely)

Alli (a well endowed gal who was very persistent in talking with Bradley…borderline annoying with it.  She was flaunting the goods for Bradley, but being an “apparel merchant” is going to be the death of her.  I don’t even know what that is)

Britt (Unmemorable)

Madison (Someone please call Edward Cullen to get her out of here…what a cuckoo.  Although she’s not as bad as Michelle from last season…haha, I wish they would have brought her back)

Chantal (If Brad has any sense, he will get rid of her, she’s already showed signs of physical abuse by slapping him.  Unfortunately it looks like she’s on the show for a while, I’m hoping not more than a few more weeks)

Melissa (Nice gal, but nothing very memorable about her…she was one of the last ones to get a rose…he was running out of options)

Kimberly (I don’t really remember her, so that’s why she’s down here)

Sarah P. (another doomed Blonde…she should have dyed her hair)

That rounds up my 20 ladies.  I’ll be shuffling around my top choices week to week, as all of America does.  I will try to provide my usual commentary during the show on Facebook so please stay tuned there as well, and then will follow it up with this weekly synopsis.  Your thoughts, comments and suggestions are appreciated, as long as they don’t go against what I say. 

As I round out this first blog, I would like to close by saying – Molly Mesnick, formerly Malaney, was and still is my favorite Bachelor contestant.  And wouldn’t you know it, she’s the only one who’s ever gotten married (Trista and Ryan do not count since they were on the Bachelorette)!!!  So go fly a kite to anyone who doesn’t like her!!! 

Every Rose has its Thorns,

The Bachelor Wizard